The Online Dating Inbox aka…The Twilight Zone

It’s almost a little like Christmas morning as I log in to my online dating account and wait for the screen to load.  Will there be a a little number beside my InBox icon??

girl on laptop

There is! I eagerly scroll down to the message my anticipation building.  Who is it?  Will he be everything that I hoped for?………

Wait a second.  I think someone is punking me.  Did someone change my profile of what I was looking for??  Because this guy that I am looking at is not even remotely close to my dream guy!

I think the above has happened to all of us brave souls who put our pictures and our lives out there on the world wide web.  We hope that we are going to be the exception to the rule of online dating and somehow our perfect match is going to find us.  However like I said, that is the exception.  The rule is much different.

As I click the message I am at least hoping for some interesting opening line.  An opening line that may possibly intrigue me to get to know more about him but I am met with “You’re hot” or “Hey.  Want a massage”?  Sigh.

This is a heads up to all the men out there.  If you are going to message a woman you don’t know but want to get to know, do not start the conversation with “You’re hot”.  Try to be a little creative and give us something to respond to other than “thanks”.  Also no, we do not want a massage, a foot rub nor are we interested in any of your fetishes or fantasies.

What we do want is a guy to show genuine interest in is.  Give us a message that we can grab on to and respond to.  A compliment is always nice of course but follow that up with a little about yourself and then, I don’t know, be wild and crazy and maybe ask us something about us!

So what about when the message is not outright offensive but is somewhat polite and interesting?  I respond of course and a conversation ensues.  Back and forth for days or sometimes weeks.  Then my mind forms the thought that it may be a good idea to meet this nice guy.  Let’s give it a try!  I can’t just live my life through this darn computer.  I have to get out there in the world and start dating again.  That’s it!

“Would you like to get together for coffee or dinner”  I throw out there.

Oh my god I’m going on a date!

Next up….my three date weekend. I thought it was a good idea at the time!


Over 40 and Single – two words I thought would never go together

To be successful in anything, it is always better to be true to who you are and who I am right now at 1:24 am on a late Saturday night (or an early Sunday morning for you picky people) is over 40 and extremely single.

Two and a half years ago I was married, had the big house, financial security and the normal suburban life.  But I had that one pesky thing that has a tendency of messing everything up.  I had an unhappy marriage.  Damn you marriage! So we did the only thing we could do to salvage our insanity.  We decided to shut down our 17 year relationship.

I say shut down because it is almost like the liquidation of a business that is finally closing their doors.  We had to sell the building, divide the assets, reduce the inventory and balance the books.  I won’t go in to all the drama that followed the doors closing.  You hear enough about the tears, the threats, the begging and the all around feeling of being a huge failure.  No.  What I want to talk about in my blog is life AFTER divorce.  The bizarre and mind numbing trials of being over 40 and single.

It’s been 2 years since the split and what I am learning is that the world of dating today is MUCH different since the last time I was in the game.  This is a brand new game with a whole new set of rules and I need to get my hands on the rule book or I may be alone for a REALLY long time!

Stay tuned.  There are some good stories to follow.