Went through all stages of grief….twice! Check
Made sure kids were all good with mom moving on Check
Finalized Divorce Check
Emotionally prepared myself for dating Check
Went on a few feeler dates to get back in the game Check
So with the checklist all complete and really feeling like I am ready to move on and seek out a new love, why then do I look at the possibility and say….”Meh”
What does that mean?
I know I’m ready but maybe the problem is I’m not willing. Willing to give up my new found independence and freedom. Willing to compromise on doing what I want to do when I want to do it?
Advice comes from all angles. From my married friends, my single friends, my divorced friends and yes of course, from my mother. Yeah Yeah mom I know!
“Stay single forever” some say. “You would be happier in a relationship” others say.
Yes, there is definitely a part of me that misses having someone to share my experiences with and be there for me when I need support but come on ladies. How many women out there in a relationship right now can check “Emotionally supportive” off as one of their partners list of qualities? Very few I’m sure. And isn’t that one of the biggest problems we all face once the relationship has settled in to being a habit? “He never listens to me”. “He’s not there for me emotionally”.
I think after being in a relationship that spanned almost 20 years, there is nothing new for me to experience. I went through all the “firsts” with him. I feel like I already ran the marathon, got my participation ribbon and proved to myself I could do it. I don’t feel like going back to the starting line and running the same race again. My feet are TIRED!
So. Where does that leave me? Am I bitter? No I’m not. I love men. I have some great men in my life who make me feel beautiful, strong and worthwhile. I just don’t know if I want another ribbon.
Maybe if I find the right pair of shoes it won’t feel like a marathon. Maybe it will be a nice comfortable jog (Ok. Did I go too far with the whole “running” comparison?)
What do you think? Have you been around the track more than once? (Seriously, I will stop now!)